It was love that pushed me to come to Delhi many months before the official campus opening. It was around four or five of the evening when I reached the JNU gate. I was strikingly amazed by the simplicity of the main gate (at that time, I didn't know that it was North gate). North Gate is very much different from BHU, "Singh Dwar." I took the room outside JNU north gate with hope. Hope to read and do a little better from what I was in BHU. Hope to make better relation what I had in BHU. I fought with my papa. I was particularly fascist to say my papa and even not say but only inform that I will go to Delhi on 24th Dec. He asked me why now? The campus is not open, and why do you want to go for now? I knew that was why I wanted to go. I knew that I was quitting my dream, which was shaped by the social anxiety of the rural middle class. I was about to adopt something which has been known as the site of "Brahminical dominance."
(The first picture of the North gate taken by me on 26/12/2020.)
The love had been lost somewhere in the middle of February or March, scattering the self of mine into nowhere. Nowhere in the city of despair and individual isolation of arrogance. Yes, I always see Delhi like this. Despite being the capital of the world's most malnourished number of children, this city is only thrilled by the protest of outsiders and never at least what I know, by Delhites. Delhites see the Ashok Rajpath and Lutyens Zone only as a tourist spot. The full of undemocratic people, busy in "banality of everydayness." I hate Delhi. I don't know why, but this city is not glamorous like other capital cities. Delhites has no democratic glamorous, no charm and glow of protest and resistance. This city has always lacked nutritious questioning and dared to fight with an "eye-to-eye" with the state.
Not to say, but it was only love who again pushed me into politics. Politics of hope. Hope to become the voice of all who have been struggling at home because of unnecessary campus lockdown due to medical Covid to Political Covid. Foucault was obviously brilliant to elucidate the theory of biopower. Biopower of the state: to take control over the subject's life and death through institutions, health, technology, police and anything. We should not say anything; we have to find the possibility of everything which the state can put into the category of "anything." Covid has become the tool to create a health emergency or, what Agamben calls, "state of exception" to shut down the university for an unlimited period. University stands for adventure for ideas, dissent, debate, and challenge the dumbness of the state. I entered into politics. I came to know that "Politics is the only way to save my soul." It was my soul, which had been caged, and the very site of oppression pushed me into the "site of resistance," i.e. politics. As a born sympathiser of left politics, which I realised only in my second year of bachelor in BHU, I came close to every organisation known for progressive politics. Politics for dissent, politics for oppressed and politics for hopeless to inject the flowless liquid of hope. I started meeting people, and then the battle continued up to this date. The constant effort of everyone gave our campus back in October only. However, the class still goes on the google meet's tiny "circle of unexpressed deep curiosity."
It has been one year, and the CPS reading room no. 123 and later R. No. 106 turned out to be one of the best places to control my emotions and feelings. The emotions and feelings result from my "fakeness of ideas". My fakeness....yes, it is only...ugh. Academia is not built for people like me. I did not know how to write well in English. I started writing my answers in English only in the last year of my bachelor to get confidence that I can also write English. I started struggling for what I had not with me. My writing, my courage to speak in class, my courage to write in English in WhatsApp group, naturalism to speak and interact with English speaking urban middle class. Academia pushes me every day to not come here. I think it's an only everyday struggle that can resist academia's discrimination to destruct your 'confidence of hope'. The everyday struggle to keep ourselves around books, writings, articles, journals, readings, peer groups and all which we can read to compensate for not getting access to texts in the past. We don't know when we will be discarded by the "technology of advance exclusion". Before that, we have to read everything and write every tiny detail of our time and past and set the alarm for our future generations.
I have to take a lot with this institution set on the decline by the continuous attack of this tyrant regime. Yes, I am in haste, great haste.
CPS-JNU
26/12/2021
The love had been lost somewhere in the middle of February or March, scattering the self of mine into nowhere. Nowhere in the city of despair and individual isolation of arrogance. Yes, I always see Delhi like this. Despite being the capital of the world's most malnourished number of children, this city is only thrilled by the protest of outsiders and never at least what I know, by Delhites. Delhites see the Ashok Rajpath and Lutyens Zone only as a tourist spot. The full of undemocratic people, busy in "banality of everydayness." I hate Delhi. I don't know why, but this city is not glamorous like other capital cities. Delhites has no democratic glamorous, no charm and glow of protest and resistance. This city has always lacked nutritious questioning and dared to fight with an "eye-to-eye" with the state.
Not to say, but it was only love who again pushed me into politics. Politics of hope. Hope to become the voice of all who have been struggling at home because of unnecessary campus lockdown due to medical Covid to Political Covid. Foucault was obviously brilliant to elucidate the theory of biopower. Biopower of the state: to take control over the subject's life and death through institutions, health, technology, police and anything. We should not say anything; we have to find the possibility of everything which the state can put into the category of "anything." Covid has become the tool to create a health emergency or, what Agamben calls, "state of exception" to shut down the university for an unlimited period. University stands for adventure for ideas, dissent, debate, and challenge the dumbness of the state. I entered into politics. I came to know that "Politics is the only way to save my soul." It was my soul, which had been caged, and the very site of oppression pushed me into the "site of resistance," i.e. politics. As a born sympathiser of left politics, which I realised only in my second year of bachelor in BHU, I came close to every organisation known for progressive politics. Politics for dissent, politics for oppressed and politics for hopeless to inject the flowless liquid of hope. I started meeting people, and then the battle continued up to this date. The constant effort of everyone gave our campus back in October only. However, the class still goes on the google meet's tiny "circle of unexpressed deep curiosity."
It has been one year, and the CPS reading room no. 123 and later R. No. 106 turned out to be one of the best places to control my emotions and feelings. The emotions and feelings result from my "fakeness of ideas". My fakeness....yes, it is only...ugh. Academia is not built for people like me. I did not know how to write well in English. I started writing my answers in English only in the last year of my bachelor to get confidence that I can also write English. I started struggling for what I had not with me. My writing, my courage to speak in class, my courage to write in English in WhatsApp group, naturalism to speak and interact with English speaking urban middle class. Academia pushes me every day to not come here. I think it's an only everyday struggle that can resist academia's discrimination to destruct your 'confidence of hope'. The everyday struggle to keep ourselves around books, writings, articles, journals, readings, peer groups and all which we can read to compensate for not getting access to texts in the past. We don't know when we will be discarded by the "technology of advance exclusion". Before that, we have to read everything and write every tiny detail of our time and past and set the alarm for our future generations.
I have to take a lot with this institution set on the decline by the continuous attack of this tyrant regime. Yes, I am in haste, great haste.
CPS-JNU
26/12/2021
Excellent Writing Brother.
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